he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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