the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
