your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
