so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
