if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
