I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
