you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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