420 ftw
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
