I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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