Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
