Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
