Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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