Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
