how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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