Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
