I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
