well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
