Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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