I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
