It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
