I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
