Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
