We won't sleep together?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
