Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
