On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Too much gin, very little bucket
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
