9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
