she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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