So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
