You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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