I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
