He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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