the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
