You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
