I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
