i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My penis needs a shock collar
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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