I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
