i just had sex bonerless
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
