We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
