I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
