My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
