i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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