just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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