It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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