just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
