i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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