I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
