Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
