Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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