if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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