I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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