Dude my mom stole all your condoms
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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